I made it to site visit and spent a few days meeting everyone and seeing where I’d be working and what I’d be doing. I also did a lot of thinking about my time here and Peace Corps. And I’ve decided to come home to America. It’s not that site visit wasn’t good or people weren’t nice; the opposite actually. Everyone was super nice and welcoming to me. It’s just that I wasn’t happy and I couldn’t see myself being here for two years. I’ve been unhappy for most of my time here but mostly out of culture shock. However, while I was at site visit I realized I was no longer “in shock”. I was simply unhappy and with no reason to be unhappy. I’ve had only great experiences so far. An awesome host family, a good counterpart, a good site, I’m picking up the language quickly, I’ve made good friendships with the other trainees, yet I’m still unhappy. Peace Corps is hard, especially in a place like Africa. Some people love it and can handle it, others can’t. I never really thought I’d ever be a part of the “others” category; but I am.
I could stick it out and continue on, but it wouldn’t be fair to anyone. My community deserves a volunteer who’s going to be excited about the work and look forward to sharing cultures and above all, be happy to be there. Those are all things I am not. Peace Corps deserves a volunteer who represents America well and who will be worth all the money and time spent on them. It’s hard for a community to replace a volunteer once they’ve been installed so I’m leaving to go back to America now where hopefully I can find a job I’m excited and happy to work at and my community will hopefully be able to get a replacement volunteer. I could’ve probably stayed longer and stuck it out but I want to make it as easy as possible for my community to get another volunteer. I at least owe them that. Also, with me being unhappy, I wouldn’t be the best representation of America that they need to see.
So tomorrow morning I’ll go into Bamako and then they’ll let me know when I’ll be leaving. They’re hoping to get a flight out for me by tomorrow evening. So I’ll be back in America in 2-3 days.
I want to thank everyone for the support they’ve given me over the past few months (before I left and while I was here) and I just hope you all can understand why I’m leaving and that you don’t judge me too much. Thanks again for everything.
Love,
Jasmin
Jasmin, I'm proud of you for making such a hard decision. I know this wasn't easy... especially for you.
ReplyDeleteSelfishly, I'm glad to have you closer again; however, I know that there was a lot of thought and emotion put into this decision for you and you are probably still processing it all.
I know things are all up in the air now, but know that we are here for you supporting you and your decisions. I love you so much more than you could ever realize. I'm so thankful for you in my life.
The song "I'm not skilled to understand what God has willed, what God has planned" just came on. I think that's perfect timing. I love you sister friend. I can't wait to talk to you.